My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
