tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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