Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
