Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
