I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
