So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
