so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
