Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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