if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
