I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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