Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize