seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
