I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
