i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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