Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
