And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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