Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
