my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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