i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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