I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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