I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
