I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize