somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
