If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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