Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
