Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
