Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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