I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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