our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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