So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
