For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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