haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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