i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize