Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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