your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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