she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
