I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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