Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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