Are we in a gay sports bar?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
