I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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