so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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