I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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