i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize