There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
