there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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