we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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