Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
