I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
