All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
