so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
