Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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