Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
