Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
