I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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