mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
