Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
