I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
