im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
3 2 1 whiskey
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
