oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
