booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
