On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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