This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
