i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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