no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
