Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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