I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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