rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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