New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
