What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
