Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize