YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
