dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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