her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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