false alarm. still invincible.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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