I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
