i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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