he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
as a side note pls kill me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
