I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
