I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
